Each morning, I get to ask the same question – What do I want to do today? Having the infinite options is way more paralyzing than having just one. Even having five or six options can put you in an endless loop of choosing what seems to be the wrong thing.
One day, I want to write fiction, but then when I sit down to read what I’ve written previously, it seems so lame and it gives me the impression that fiction writing isn’t something I should do.
Then, I want to make YouTube videos, but the story repeats. I have a feeling that my videos just aren’t good enough and that’s why nobody is watching them.
Same happens with blogging, teaching, photography, and basically anything I set myself to do.
One might think that I don’t have any issues with indetermination but with a lack of confidence, and they are probably right.
But how does one deal with self-confidence?
When you listen to other people, especially on social media, it seems that they never doubt their skills, the things they are doing or saying, but social media isn’t real.
To get the real deal, a real insight into someone’s thoughts, you should read diaries. On social media, everybody tries to portrait themselves as perfect beings with no problems and doubts, but when you’re alone with the paper, and you know that nobody else is going to read it, not until you die, at least, then you have the courage to open up and to say, or write, things, which you could only admit to white paper and not even to your therapist or priest.
It is strange that we try to present ourselves as perfect beings in an imperfect world, and what’s even stranger is the fact that people will believe it and that they will try to replicate it, and become desperate when they fail in it.
Doing all these things, I’m trying to figure out who I am. Am I a writer, a youtuber, a thinker, an influencer, or just nobody?
Whatever you do, whatever you make, you need to answer two simple questions. One being who is it for, and the other, what’s it for? If you can’t get the answers, then you’re making something that’s for nobody and it serves no purpose and you don’t want to do that.
But, most commonly, you will find a person or a cause that your work is going to serve and you will feel content and when you don’t, you should know that it’s fine. You’ve just created something that serves no purpose and serves nobody, but at least you’ve practiced your craft and that also counts; just, expect nothing from your practice except to sharpen your skills.
In today’s world, it’s so easy to get distracted and pursue things that give you pure joy, such as scrolling social media or playing games or watching other people play games.
But, isn’t creative work something that should give us joy? Is that the reason why we’ve chosen to make things? Yes, of course! We are making things because we love making them, but we also want them to perform well and to make us a living and to, above all, give us freedom.
Our minds have an idea of what a final product should look like based on the things that many people seem to like, but our minds have no clue what other people are going to like or not.
The hardest part in all this creative mess is determining what you are, what’s your job is, and sticking to it. It’s difficult to make it as a writer, or as any other creator, and you’re going to have a lot of obstacles.
Apart from self-doubt, which we already mentioned, you’re going to encounter doubt from everybody else. People are going to judge your choices to spend more than half a day writing one scrummy page and then talking about that into camera, hoping that one day, you’re going to make enough impact and attention so you could support yourself and let alone someone else, but that’s something that everybody had to go through.
If you’re lucky, there will be a handful of people who’re going to support you on your way up, and you should cherish and appreciate them because ain’t everybody that lucky.
The rest of them are going to judge you and tell you to get a real job and do things that can actually bring you money. Which is OK, especially if you have someone to support, but don’t give up your dreams. Work on them whenever you have the time, because you’re the only person who can live your dreams and who actually knows what your dreams are.