Ticking Bomb or Why I Write

Writing sometimes feels like a race with time. I’ve only got X amount of time to write. There is a voice in my head which is constantly reminding me:

At 3:30, you won’t be able to write; you have a class. Better write something quickly.

Then I start staring at my blank screen and wonder what am I going to write about. I don’t know if that’s procrastination, pressure, a writer’s block or something entirely different but it isn’t pleasant.

The more I check the clock and the empty screen, the more pressure builds up and the voice becomes stronger. Eventually, I just get up and leave the keyboard untouched. That’s the time when despair kicks in.

I start wondering what went wrong and I wish that I could just go to sleep and wake up on the new day when I will have more than enough time to write, but that day doesn’t exist.

Sometimes, I get over the time pressure and write anyway. Usually, it’s the worst writing I can produce but at least when I get up from my keyboard there is a slight feeling of satisfaction and accomplishment; at least, I’ve done something.

It’s not always easy to push through these days and if I have more of them in a row I tend to become grumpy and that effects my environment as well.

Not that I only become grumpy but I also can’t focus on anything because I spend an entire day thinking about the things I could’ve been writing about. I also tend to hate all other activities because the voice is telling me:

You would have more fun writing.

So, it’s important that I produce anything if I want to keep my sanity and well-being.

During these periods, I often tend to have all sorts of YouTube marathons. It starts with:

Let’s watch one video which might inspire me.

And ends with:

I’ve wasted another day by doing nothing!

Ever since I had my first idea of doing something with my life I’ve had that problem. Any sort of rescheduling or interruption caused me to freak out.

If I write well, and long enough, I can survive the day; that’s why I write. I simply have to.

Also, that’s why I decided to publish every day, no matter how bad my writing will be.